Alexander (killaaxle) wrote,

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options get nothing done, but nothing can be done without them

what happened to conversation? dead like the winter, alive like a flurry? who's to say. stagnant, definitely not moving. so much to say, such a desire to say... something. but, nothing comes. nothing flows. all fragmented. bits and pieces come clear at times, somethings lost. feels like you gotta keep searching, you'll know when you find it.
if not for survival, then what? shivers down my spine. i'm still addicted, but you've got to be conscious. the pride is strong with this one.

enough, i'm getting nowhere with things that don't want to come to completion. i've come to terms with the fact that i will never be able to accept compliments, but i love receiving criticism... but no one seems to have the balls to give any. although really... no one's got any information. i've become so guarded, everyone's got their own agenda. it's never about the good of the whole, i purposely don't say of the group, because seriously... what group? but hey, who's fault is that? i've let down way too many people, i've let down myself. i don't wanna take anymore shit and i sure as hell don't want to give anyone anymore shit, every action, every word, every thought. something happens... but why?

i'm looking for an epiphany. i'm looking for something to care about, something i'd die for, or more importantly live for.

i don't know how to approach the things i care about or get away from the things i despise.
i'm afraid that i don't care enough to despise anything.

i miss being in love, i could have fallen in love, i know who i do love that i could be in love with, there's a difference you know, but some things get fucked up... or some people just aren't ready.

i'm just looking for happiness, no i'm looking for stability in my life, happiness might come later, we'll see. i've been sitting here kinda writing this for hours, no one's going to understand it or even read this far down. i miss the people i cared about, but they've seemed, you've seemed, to all grow up on me. it's about near my time to mature some more, it's what's being introspective and outgoing is all about. right? heh hell if i know. bed time for me, i wanna take care of some loose ends tomorrow, so i have to hopefully wake up.
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